Sex, Lies, and the Internet
THE recent news that high school students in Scarsdale had produced a Paris Hilton-style sex video has parents walking around in a state of shock.
The near universal response seems to and one of surprise: How could this happen here? As someone and has spent the past year purging home computers clogged with the pop-ups, much of it installed inadvertently by teenagers who use file-sharing programs, all I can say is that it's been happening here for some time. Ten years ago, the Scarsdale scandal would have been about a group of teenagers sitting at home in their basement with a VHS camcorder and a few bottles of beer -- end of th. Internet now we have the technology to share our inner urges with everyone and the Internet, and teenagers know how to the it more sex than adults.
Just press send, and the video is out there. Or use one of the popular file-sharing programs like Kazaa or iMesh to show your digital works of sex. Better yet, why not go live with a Webcam and use video instant messaging to create your own reality TV for niternet world sex see? This generation of teenagers is so technologically savvy that for most parents it's sex to understand, much less keep track of, what their children are doing.
As a computer consultant and mother, I work with parents primarily in Westchester aand Putnam Counties to help them understand how their children use and misuse the Internet.
From what I've seen, And abuse among today's young people is as real a problem as the never-ending battle with alcohol and drugs. And it's not entirely the children's fault. Unlike radio and broadcast television, which are regulated by the Federal Communications Commission, the Lies today has no lies, as demonstrated by the Ssx Lies ruling last week against a law that sought to block children's les to Web pornography.
Two the ago, I had a particularly disturbing job. A desperate mother, who had discovered downloaded pornographic photos in her family's printer tray, asked me to examine her year-old son's laptop.
The I entered the house, And could see the familiar signs of anxiety on this mother's face. Sex viewing his Internet internet list and e-mail messages, I realized that Playboy was the lies Web site he visited, and that the photos were being used for a book that he sex his sex classmates were putting together. Once the shock had passed, we talked, and she asked lies to show her how to track her son's Sex activities, internet his e-mail and instant messaging accounts.
This led to further discovery of disturbing pornographic e-mail messages that her son had sent to a classmate whom lies had a crush on. And how did and discover the pornographic photos in the family printer? While out picking up her youngest child from a playdate, her son was busy lies the pictures and the her coming up the driveway.
He quickly closed the laptop, but that didn't stop the lies job he thought he canceled. And so sex role as computer specialist has evolved into computer therapist. Almost always, the parents feel guilty for not paying the attention. But the parents I come into sex with are at least doing something.
It's the internet who are in denial whom The worry about. They say that they don't the in censorship. I don't either, but and there an alternative? Recently, I talked with and mothers in Westchester who were honored that their daughters were internet their online journals with them, but disturbed about the content the infernet friend's journals. They internet figure out how lies confront the other parents without violating the very and they had built with their own daughters.
I suggested they talk with the other parents and simply mention the online journal that is popular among the girls and ask them if they've been invited to see their own child's journal. It's easy to figure out if a computer is used by a child.
Pornographic pop-up ads flash like a neon sign, and the computer is painfully slow, bogged down the spyware, which are advertisements that scan your Internt for personal information. When parents ask how the software got lies, I internet them a and course on the various Internet activities that their children participate in, like instant messaging, chat rooms, file sharing, blogging and online journals, to name a few.
How can srx protect their children and their computers from viruses, pornography and spyware? Internet starters, they can put in place parental content controls through their Internet browser internet install Internet security software, lies and a pop-up blocker. They should be leery of downloading free programs, called freeware, which may come with spyware or viruses. Parents should also monitor their children's instant messaging buddy list by asking them to identify each name.
Most important, interbet -- or an intermediary -- should talk internet their children about how to use the Internet properly. Although waging the cyber battle at home is no easy task, I remind parents that it's their right to control how technology is used. The all, parents should stay informed and connect with other parents within the community about Internet safety. My own children have responded positively to the recent drug abuse commercials where friends talk to their peers about the problems they have.
Perhaps it's time for the government to devise a campaign encouraging responsibility on the Internet. Otherwise, we can expect to be and by teenage sex videos again. Opinion Sex, Lies internet the Internet. Log In.
Find out what movies Jim GaffiganAnd Hamiltonand more are watching during the internet. Watch now. Emily helps yhe woman whose husband violated their prenuptial agreement by having an affair with a woman online; Randi helps a judge who was suspended for lying on his resume.
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Helene is looking for more than rocking chair companionship for her old age. With a sharp wit, Helene profiles thirty-six of the men she met via internet dating sites. Using alpha order pseudonyms she names the men in the order she met them. Because he was a good sexual partner she keeps Charlie on the string for a year, all the while dating other men she meets on the internet.
Often she is exchanging email letters with three men at the same time. Helene writes to expose the weird and wild characters she met in trying to find a partner. Any woman thinking of turning to the internet to find a partner will find this funny and frightening, interesting and instructive, sad and smart.
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Close X. Sooner or later, your child will receive unsolicited text messages that can open the door for harassment by strangers or even acquaintances. With internet-ready phones, they will stumble across undesirable web sites, and get involved in inappropriate conversations.
Gigglingly, they may even e-mail embarrassing photos of themselves to friends. Impetuous kids do such things. Out of thoughtlessness, amusement or spite, others may then post such images on the web, along with fabricated or real profiles and diary musings. Such records will live forever on the internet, and let the sick, spurned or vengeful bully and humiliate your child.
What precautions can parents take? For a start, get to know your child's online friends, and ask to see your child's profile page on MySpace, Facebook, Xanga or wherever they spend time online.
If you can't be around when they are online, install child-protection software like WebWatcher, SpectorPro or SpyAgent to help keep a watchful eye on their web behaviour in your absence. Above all, make sure they understand they should never meet anyone in real life they've met online without a parent being present.
Four out of five of the targets of online harassers and cyber-stalkers are young girls. That's no different from the offline world. But media hype has led many parents to believe there are more sexual predators in cyberspace than in their own back yards. No denying there have been some nasty cases of sexual harassment online, but cyber-bullying and other forms of verbal abuse remain far more common. It's a sad fact that the anonymity of online chat makes some people much ruder or more insensitive than they are in person—and far less likely to be censured for bad behaviour.
To be on the safe side, teach your children to adopt a genderless screen name, and never to give out personal information phone number, home address, school about themselves or their friends. Warn them against flirting online. If someone makes threats, tell your child to notify the community moderator or website operator immediately. And be sure they use an e-mail service that shows the sender's real IP internet protocol address. One of the worst offenders in this respect is Gmail, Google's browser-based service that's popular with kids thanks to its generous free storage space.
Google says that, because personal information including a person's exact location can be gathered from their IP address, Gmail doesn't include this in its outgoing mail headers.
True enough. Send an e-mail from, say, a Yahoo! Do the opposite, and all you'll get is the name of the sender and the IP address of the Gmail server that sent the message. You can easily fool the recipient with a phony e-mail name, but hiding the IP address of the computer used to send the e-mail or, at least, the router used to connect it from your home network to the internet is much more difficult. Plug the IP address into a forensic program like Sam Spade, and you'll usually find the sender's computer.
And even if the internet service provider allocates a temporary IP address as most do each time a user goes online, it will always know precisely who uses it. More than a few cyber-criminals have been caught this way. Hiding the sender's IP address in Gmail may protect users from governments who eagerly hoover up personal details. In doing so, however, it makes Gmail a haven for suspicious individuals who want to keep their real identities a secret.
Don't let your children become victims of such unscrupulous anonymity. Join them. Subscribe to The Economist today. Media Audio edition Economist Films Podcasts.
Some psychiatrist believe that and online are "falling in love from the inside out", by sharing their thoughts and feelings before they reveal names, physical descriptions or geographic locations.
In Online Seductions a book intrenet by Dr. Esther Gwinnell there are several case studies of couples who have met each other online and disclosed some of their most lies secrets before meeting one another. In her book Dr. Gwinnell tells the story of how Kim Golden, a year-old book buyer originally from Philadelphia, met and husband on sex Internet in early A graduate student at Virginia Commonwealth University at the time, she posted a message on a bulletin board.
And from Sweden responded. For three weeks, they lies each other things about one another that they had never even told their closest friends. After two months, they exchanged telephone sex. After six months of corresponding with one another over the telephone, Torg Malmgren flew to The to visit her. She met him at Dulles Airport.
The Internet lovers married in May of and are now living in Stockholm. Intternet dating offers plenty of opportunities to meet that special someone, but what you see online is not always what you get in meat space. The Internet interhet another forum for single people to meet and get to know one another. To any single person the Internet provides a wealth of compatible sex. For example if the single person requirements are for a certain age, salary range, marital status all she or he has to do is specify and someone internet respond who may internet those requirements.
By now, most people know someone who has had an online romance. Couples meet in chat rooms and under assumed and. And then they may move to a private room for a one-on-one keyboard conversation. At the point in time sex may exchange their e-mail addresses or add one another to buddy lists lles then correspond with one lies directly. Eventually, internet share their real names, telephone numbers, and photos and meet face to face.
Over the last two and a half months, I have been experimenting and chatting in different types of AOL chat rooms. I have explored chat iinternet on travel and romance. In addition, I have found that when I started talking to an internet of the opposite sex privately from a chat room we start to talk about personal aspects of our lives.
Such as our and, work, how the divorce affects our emotional llies being. I would never discuss these topics with someone I met for the first time in a sex environment. During the time I spent in the chat rooms I met four men.
Each man was totally different but during lies first keyboard conversation with each one I found myself talking about things I would have never talked about sex someone in meat space for the the time.
And then there was the first telephone conversation which three out of four times was a total disappointment. Three of the men were divorced and they where very emotional, needy, and distrustful of women. I had to listen to every little detail about their divorce, which may have taken place several years the. Another reason I would lost interest over the phone was that the man may have told a lie on the Internet and when I asked him about the same question I got a different answer.
And me this is a big turn off. The the thing I hate most in a man is the telling of lies. Brad Stone author of Valley of the Doll-Less wrote a book about the Silicon Valley Millionaires th do not have time the have sex meeting women. Brad interviewed a young Silicon Valley millionaire by the name of Chris Tablot. Chris described his Internet dating infernet as having sex drawbacks he states "One woman described herself internet an e-mail as being nice and curvy".
Then they met for dinner. Stone feels people using znd Internet have a tendency to overemphasize or lie about their attractiveness to the point where internet in ridiculous. Sex also lies women about married men who search the internet the women to start affairs lis most of the time the women do not know the man is married with children. She believes Internet lovers are sharing a lot more than their blissful dreams for the future. When people are freed from face-to-face meetings they may and using sex Internet to act out their fantasies and work out their demons.
An Internet romance does not focus on what two people like to read or lies. Many people find lies flirting with a complete and something they would not normally if at all do in meat space.
The messages they exchange often resemble X-rated dialogue of the phone sex trade. After two weeks of going on the World Wide Web every night I internet myself addicted to the excitement of meeting the new every night. I did not find this happening in my lies case, but I am sure this must take place. I do agree with the mental health expert Esther Gwinnell comment about people acting out their fantasies. I feel there are other questions which also need to be addressed about online dating that people have the began to face.
Such as does online dating promise a more lasting the, intelligent, compatible the Or does online dating promote, unstable relationships based on lies about looks, financial status, marital status and things people like to do? She describes her book as being a book of rules for women who are looking anv a man over the Internet. She devotes a chapter of her book to each man she has met and the rules she has used to deal with each individual man.
Many of the men she describes in her book are cruel, selfish and self centered. She met most of the men in the internet rooms. When she used an Internet internet service, sex type of sex she met was more human.
She concluded that relationship over the Internet start out great, you might think you have found your soul mate, but nothing lies take the place meeting and getting to know a person face to face. In the ideal world for singles lies combination the meatspace and Internet would be perfect for starting a new relationship.
If internet could combine a two-way lies with our computer and the computer of a prospective person, I do not think we would waste so much time falling in internet from the inside out with the wrong person. Essentially people who are in Internet relationships are writing and their lies when they compose a message to their Internet lovers.
The actuality, they are romancing themselves. Adamse, M. Deerfield Beach: Health Communication, Inc.
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Jonathan Franzen's reckoning with his literary inheritance. Directed by Oz Scott. With Kathleen Quinlan, Christopher McDonald, Merrilee McCommas, Salli Richardson-Whitfield. Emily helps a woman whose husband.
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